weird airplane habits

i'm finally home. thank God.

Anyways, it was a whirlwind of a time the past few days on the plane, and in Hong Kong.

But i didnt have as much imaginative fun as when I was on my 95-minute plane trip from HK to Manila.

I realized that Filipinos have the weirdest airplane habits.

To begin with, there are only two kinds of Filipinos at the departing gate: Those who are there, and those who are there but not really. Let me explicate:

There are those who, upon getting into the airport, rushes straight to the departing gates and camps out at the gates, as if it was a park, or Lucky Plaza, or whatever. They whip out all kinds of things: kids whip out their Gameboys (i never ever saw a DS or a PSP. ONLY Gameboys. Otherwise, it's not Filipino). Parents don't really whip out anything to entertain themselves. Instead, they whip out their feet and proceed to place them wherever it is comfortable to: on another chair, a table in from, on their baggage, the conveyor belt - you name it. As long as they can whip out their funky lizard feet, it's all good.

Then boarding arrives.

"Passengers seated from rows 61-80 please board the plane"

Suddenly the entire departing area is empty. Except for a few Asians and perhaps a few grandparents who were forgotten in the mad rush. It's crazy how Filipinos love to queue up to get into a plane.

But the fun hasn't even begun yet.

Once in the plane, the line can't get any more inefficient. people bring ridiculously humongous overhead luggages and take forever to place them overhead.

"Ai, ekskyus mi ser. Ken yu help mi plis?"

Sure.

So getting into the plane once you get in takes about... 15-20 minutes. Instant plane delays that would shame any American airplane frozen on the ground. easily. Also, Filipinos love to store everything in boxes and weird contraptions. And they take out their Sharpies and whatever marker pens and scribble in ALL CAPS all over the box. Like, all sides:

PAQUITA MONGPWETMO
#175-A GALUNGGONG SUBDIVISION
IN FRONT OF MANG ELY'S HANDSOME MECHANICS
PROJECT 8, QUEZON CITY
PHONE -----

and what's more ridiculous? they separately pack the most ridiculous things. For example, yesterday when I was waiting for my bag: I saw cruising past in front of me that infant flooring thing, those huge pieces of plastic jigsaw puzzles with letters. You know what I'm talking about. it was like, 10 pieces, and it was all pieced together, packaged in a huge plastic bag, and I saw it cruising past in front of me. Yes, only that. Ridiculous.

Anyways, I digress. So the huge carry-on luggages. Yeah, theyre huge.

And then, the flight begins, and the plane hasn't even used a single drop of gasoline yet, and people already begin to line up in front of the lavatories, and ask the stewardess for water. And here's a Asian special: Somehow, Chinese people here love to ask for playing cards. Somehow airline playing cards are fantastic souvenirs for themselves. Yeah, my family has tons of them. From all airlines. And all of them are still beautifully packaged. Ridiculous.

Then they take their seats. and no matter how long the flight is, everybody immediately whips out their blankets and drape it all over them. IMMEDIATELY. even for a ridiculous 95-minute flight. As if theyre really going to sleep. You want evidence? So the plane flies off (and I'm not even sure if someone had his seatbelt on in the lavatory), and once the seatbelt light goes out:

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

All hell breaks loose.

People begin standing up and carrying down all their ridiculously huge luggages. They stand and stretch, and walk around, and line up for the lavatory, to the disdain of the flight attendants.

Goodness, it's only been, what, 10 minutes of sitting down?

So they turn and stretch and crack every bone and joint that exists.

So once they get back on their seats, they turn on the TV and try to make the most out of their money. They watch all the movies available. How do you do that in 95 minutes? Well, they watch each and every one, like 5 minutes of each. One minute, the guy next to me is laughing at Music and Lyrics, the next time I turn he's absorbed into The Queen. Ridiculous.

Another amazingly interesting part is when the drinks trolley comes along. Somehow, everybody loves juice.

"ekskyus mi, owraynds joos plis?" or perhaps some "epols joos"

And then there's always. ALWAYS. an old man grunting and making ridiculous sounds and comments throughout the entire flight. He snorts and coughs and sighs the LOUDEST. And it gets even worse when there's two of them in the plane. OH YEAH, the game's on. The louder, the better.

But I really think it's something that's genetic rather than acquired through development. For instance, babies. They don't cry, they YELL. They're all wide-eyed and smiling, but when their ears start to pop, they don't cry, they just SCREAM. And they seem to get a kick out of it.

Look, I'm just quietly seated doing my Sudoku, please leave me alone.

Then the stewardess comes along and distributes immigration cards. And it's ridiculous, like I'm the only person who brings a pen onboard. But they have space for all the ridiculous cosmetics and clothes and junk from Disneyland. So my pen gets passed along and never returns. It was an ugly pen anyways.

but nobody looks more out of place than the Caucasians onboard, those who marry Filipinas and are stuck in the middle of the middle row reading The New York Times, or whatever. Their wives would be all draped in their airline blankets and oooh-ing and aahhh-ing at every single thing that the screen in front of them displays. For instance, I saw a woman laughing heartily at the sight of Queen Elizabeth in "The Queen". For what? I don't know.

So all of that goes on during 95 minutes. Kids yell, adults snort, and the angmohs pretend that they don't exist, and in their minds regret that they ever considered flying across the Atlantic to meet with their wives' families.

Then the plane lands, and I don't know if this is merely a Filipino thing, but once the plane hits the ground, as in only the wheels, and a sea of Nokia welcome tunes harmoniously plays. So much for 'wait for the "no seatbelt" sign to turn off'.

But it's not all ridiculous. For instance, I think we're the only people who actually clap once the plane lands, to honor and thank the captain who led the exodus. Everybody just cheers and claps once the plane lands. But then at the same time, flight attendants panic because of the stream of Nokia tunes as well as everybody standing up immediately. I feel sorry for the Chinese stewardesses:

"Please! sit down! Put your seatbelts on please! Please wait for the plane to come to a full stop! We have not yet come to a full stop! please be seated!"

I'm sorry, but for Filipinos, once the plane hits the ground, it's just another car. A big one.

So what if the plane/car crashes? There's always MANG ELY'S HANDSOME MECHANICS.

PINOY! *thumps chest*

I'M OUT!!!