home is where the heart is.

I never thought that coming home could be so difficult... aside from packing my things in humongous boxes, I had to rush through so many things... Special thanks goes out to David and Geoff, who took time to accompany me all over Singapore one last time until I waved goodbye.. I MISS EVERYBODY!!!

Anyways, I was just thinking... when will be the next time I really go back to Singapore?

When I was talking to my dad about it just now in the car, he sort of gave me the impression that he didn't comprehend why I had to go back to Singapore as if it was my second home.

"Pa, I also have friends there, you know."

Summer of '07 seems promising... but how long do I get to stay as a tourist? (someone who knows please tell me!! tag! tag!)

It kinda feels weird and sad... how one day, when I go back there, I won't have a place to call home... no phone line, no agenda, and everybody will be busy going about their own lives...

and yes, this could possibly for the next 7 to 9 years... even forever...

Then when I got home, I was shocked to see that there was no table for me to put my laptop on (in fact, i'm on the cold wooden floor now typing this entry), no clothes to wear, etc etc

Which made me think again - do I have a place to call home? is it Manila? where my beloved family resides, but where friendships of past have quickly lost its fire through the years? or Singapore? where I have friends, where I don't feel compelled to act according to others' expectations, where I CAN REALLY BE MYSELF. I guess, I have to try out New York City first huh?

Honestly, I am a very stubborn person when it comes to letting go of things: memories, relationships, ideologies, and so on... and now, I can't let go of my friends... they're too precious for me... and I can't help but be apprehensive sometimes... like what if they forget Albert? or what if I change? (according to one of my very close friends, she has already accepted that I will change.) too many things.

What if I chose to stay instead? why is that so difficult for me to choose over the "going away" choice? Isn't going away supposed to be much more difficult? I could have just stayed and saved LOTS of money from tuition, stayed with my friends, and all that...

I think it's really true, sometimes you just have to trust God to carry you through things like this.

God, sweep me off my feet
I'm givng my life to You
God I'm letting down all my defenses
So that people can see Your faithfulness in me.

Well, that is what I have in mind written out for the world to see. My only reassurance in this world is that life is full of uncertainties; the only certainty is that God loves me. and to me, that is enough.

ok... enough drama... time for shoutouts!

David: Thanks so much for everything. Not only our Luther moments, but all the laughs, talks, and stupid moments. See you in New York!

Geoff: Eventhough you like entertaining yourself by touching people, your company never fails to entertain me. Thank you thank you. All the best on your contact lenses.

Enoch & Chloe: Thanks so much for being such a light-hearted company. Eventhough I've only known both of you for barely 2 months, I'm very thankful for our friendship. Enoch! hush hush ok? haha

Mark Tan: I don't know if he's still in touch with the internet due to his Jurrasic-era blog. But ya, since farewell is over, Thanks for e verything, I am proud of you, and continue to grow in the Lord. I'm so happy that you're no longer that boy I met in Olomouc staring at the ceiling waiting for a vision to descend upon Him. Thank you, thank you.

Jo & Nenest: I don't even know if that's the correct way of spelling nenest... Thanks so much for being such a big part of my life, and for allowing me to be part of yours too. I think it was when I had dinner with you guys again that I realised how important you guys are to me. No more silly "not in front of me" jokes, no more feelings of disgust upon seeing the two of y ou so "close", no more of all that simply because I won't be there to see it anymore. and frankly, as surprised as I am now, I will miss all of that. Thank you so much.

Jamie: Well, I think you've really meant so much to me... especially the final weeks after tour, when I felt that nobody was around, you were there. I'm just so thankful that we are whatever we are now, even after all the crazy, childish, insane things we did and went through before. I guess you can say that we went through all that together, and I'm so glad that we ended up being stronger than ever before. I will miss your company very much. I hope we could stay this way forever, but as time changes, circumstances change also. All the best in your university planning, as well as your life there in the near future. I know that everything will work out fine. Like you said, be excited! and I'm really, really excited for you.

Jessica: Two months was never enough, but it's all in God's plan. It is my prayer that you grow in God's streng th, and that you will continue to find out more exciting things about yourself along the way. Thanks for b eing that somebody I can be totally childish or mature with, at any time. I wish I could still be there to look after you, but life goes on, people have to grow and mature. I think sometimes things are said so often that it loses its meaning. But for me, I mean things everytime I say it, and this I have to say: I will miss you very much, and if there is anything at all that I can help you with; whether problems, trials, or even if you just need someone to give you that extra encouragement or someone to laugh with, I will be here for you. Always.

And David's right, this experience has really taught me to treasure my friends. I dont know what the future looks like, but I just press on and look ahead to whatever surprises NYC has for me, and I will bring along all of the great memories and precious friendships that I have built in that tiny red dot on the map. I will really miss all of you, very very much.

God, bless all of my friends.. show them Your will for their lives. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of their lives, and thank you for placing them in mine. I love you Lord, because wherever I go, You will always be there for me, as my Friend.