on silence.

Recently I have become very irate of every little form of activity that's around me. Maybe it's the city, the fact that it doesn't sleep, that bothers me. Maybe it's the incessant snoring, the clanking sounds of glass tipping over, the blaring music, the endless TV shows, phone conversations - anything and everything that radiates the phenomenon known to us as simply sound.

What is so bad about sound? Don't get me wrong, being a musician of sorts myself, I can appreciate good music. The social animal in me yearns to scream and holler, making a fool out of myself at times.

Is that it? Has the disease of age crept up on me so quickly that I have began to view silence as a form of emotional preservation?

Well, not really. But that is partly true - age HAS indeed crept up on me, and on all of us, really. Perhaps the noisy lives that we have led thus far has made us (at least me) realize that silence has its own merits, that sometimes, amidst naggings, cheers, jeers, and compliments, we need time to sit down in a quiet corner and reflect upon what has transpired in our life. Perhaps my Physics teacher put it into words in the best way (despite a "Physics teacher"-vocabulary.. you know what i'm talking about.): "Sit under the tree and think about your life."

When you reach a certain point in your life, all the gatherings, social functions, and parties just don't appeal as much anymore. All your life you have found comfort in company that you begin to question you own ability; you seek shelter in solitude.

I am not an anti-social person (as most of you will know), but one who takes time to appreciate the beauty in silence. Truly, the most exhilirating moments in life are not the times when you stood up and voiced out your opinions, neither is it that conversation, that verbalization of a love or passion for something. No, it is those unspoken moments - moments when together, people are united in what they feel. It is that smile you sparingly gave to your dad, that kiss on your mom's cheek. As you grow old, these things become more strikingly meaningful. And who can forget the magic of an embrace - the moment of shared longing. No words need to be spoken, at that instant, words are the last thing on your mind. In fact, feelings run so strongly at that moment that it might be even vile and sinful to speak. In stillness, you find warmth and comfort.

Which is why prayers are traditionally held in silence. It is that sense of concentration, a wholeness of thought and devotion that makes it such an experience. In tranquility, you seek that still, small voice that speaks to you, that gives you strength to live each day, and carry on in this noisy world. When you grow older, you realize that this is the greatest form of communication.

Well, there you go. They say that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. Truly, I miss quiet, serene nights in Singapore, and the lulling sound of the aircon whirring softly in my room in Manila. Here? It's New York. Drunk people scream and holler in the middle of night, making a fool out of themselves. Fire trucks, police cars and ambulances are like the soundtrack or theme song of the city that, really, never ever sleeps. Perhaps they should rename it New York - the city that doesn't let its people sleep. Again, maybe it's the motoric snoring.

Yeah, I think it is that.

But I guess that's the whole process of pruning. Last night, at the church Campus Night, we talked about pruning and how God takes us out of our comfort zone to force us to grow. It is not how we gradually mold and shapeshift into a society that makes us grow, but how we stand out and refuse to give in to the pleasures of the world that we grow and mature as a person, and as a child of God.

In silence, we pray for growth. And truly, that's about all the silence that we can get, no matter how much we yearn for it, because in reality, we live in a world of people who, together, create a seamless, never-ending channel of sound that we, alone, cannot put to a halt. But it is in those quiet moments that we mark milestones in our lives. Perhaps that's the whole point of death - the ultimate silent end to every person's life. Then we move on to Heaven, where together, we will finally make joyful noise for all eternity.

I'M OUT!!!